By Wesley Chapman, Special for USDR
Life, something we all to often take for granted.
Recently 6 humans were slain in an act of anger, hate, bitterness and hopelessness. It’s time we stop and think.
Of course the world is buzzing over this. Calling it an act of NO SEX. An act of male power over women. Pigeonholing women as objects. An act of a boy who blamed the ills of his life on the women who would not have him.
People are saying it is yet another reason we need total gun control, videos games are to blame, we need harder laws, that women are just objects, that porn ruins us all and so on. Elliot Rodger, killed. He murdered and destroyed 6 humans and thousands of lives, yet it was not really his fault. It was yours.
If you have already yelled at me and are looking for where to comment then continue to be a part of the problem, not the solution. You see, Elliot Rodger was crying out for help and no one listened. Or should I say, NO ONE without an agenda listened. His pain was real, but it was not really about sex. It was not because a female would not surrender to his “manly magnetism.”
It was due to the fact that no one heard his cries for help. Ellliot Rodger was a victim of neglect. Did you know that you can have all the “attention” in the world but still be 100% neglected? Did you know you can have millions scream your name and still feel all alone? Did you know that what could look like a perfect family could be a dysfunctional nightmare? All of this and more happens to thousands every day.
Elliot Rodger’s Internet trail is telling and slowly disappearing. Videos are being pulled down, links are being shut off and servers are being torn apart. No one wants to be associated with Elliot. No one wants the real truth known.
When I heard of the shootings and stabbings I quickly jumped to the net and found the breadcrumb trail he had left so obviously. A plain and blatant cry for help. He was asking someone to listen he was asking to be heard. Yes, he was part of some very nasty groups and “He-man Women Hater” clubs, but even before that he was reaching, he was begging for help. Even in his manifesto he told of his underlying desire to be found out. Even Elliot Rodger knew he needed help. But no one came to really help.
So what does this have to do with you and why was I so bold to blame you? Because all of us are at fault. Myself included. It is time we look in our own mirror. It is we who need to make a change. If I am being 100% honest, I am as much at fault as you. I am using Elliot Rodger’s neglect to get directed to my website. I am doing interviews all over the world about his horrifying acts and am further giving attention to this abomination.
Yet I truly feel something must be done and honesty must be the name of the game if we’re truly going to make a change. If we are, myself as well, are going to use this to bring light to our voices, we need to be full of truth not agenda. If we are cannot be honest, the 6 people that died and the thousands that have been affected will have done so in vain. Copycats are just weeks away from showing their hands and more crimes like this will be on the rise in this, the great nation under God, if we don’t take serious action.
I will not “use” this story and not be honest about the real issue. Yes it is bold. No, it is not popular or mainstream, but after two decades of research, working with hundreds of youth and suffering with and controlling my own demons, I am in a place to be so bold.
Elliot wanted what everyone wants; a community of acceptance. I will not pretend to know about his family life, because I wasn’t there. I won’t attack his family as I have not met them, but it is fair to say something wasn’t right. Yes, Elliot had a diagnosed neurological disorder, but again there must be more. It isn’t fair for us to say that everyone with a neurological disorder is a villain or a murderer.
 
It DOES take a community to raise a child NOT just a family. Racism, feminism, male dominance, abuse and worst of all…neglect are to be blamed for where Elliot was. He felt hopeless. The only human emotion capable of allowing one to release the unthinkable acts of violence.
Elliot’s actions were planned, they were thought out. His mind didn’t suddenly “snap”. This was a process. Hopelessness doesn’t just happen in a week, a month, or even a year. It wasn’t just due to female rejection. It takes time, it takes powerful agents of pain to tear one down to the depths of hopeless behavior. Elliot showed us countless times his hopeless outlook on life.
His messages were rehearsed and emotional. Some moments he was in “his character” and other times he was a lost boy asking for help. From his selfies to his YouTube videos the pain, the fear, and the hopelessness are all there. Yes, he blamed it on sex and female rejection. But he was programed that way, not by a Barbie doll or porn, but by radical groups.
 
What those groups gave him that we did not was a listening ear, a place to belong and be heard. In his attempts to be found, to get help, he posted videos and commented all over the web. And in response to every cry for attention all he heard in response was, “Oh come on, there are a lot of pretty girls in California get one drunk and have sex,” or “You are a freak, a loser NO wonder no girl will ********* you.” While these might seem like a natural response to someone who’s opinions were so out in left field, once again he wasn’t heard. Yet again he sought attention and in getting thousands to watch and comment, still NO ONE heard.
 
There are reports that a 10-year-old girl started all this for Elliot and that certain girls at the sorority are to blame. Shame on the media. It is misogyny at its worst and will only serve to fuel flames of hate and misunderstanding. No one person caused this crime. Women are not to blame. Even Elliot is not to blame. We must stop giving power to this type of propaganda.
 
So what is the cure? How will this stop? Simple. We need to be human. We all must give HOPE, give UNDERSTANDING, MAKE choices, take meaningful ACTION and NOURISH one another. Too often we tear each other down on social media comments, we hide behind victimization, we say we are unlucky or because of our surroundings “CAN’T BE’ what we want to be. We blame everything and yet want everything. We label and don’t love. We hold hate and don’t forgive.
 
This is not about GOD or religion, this is about being human. This isn’t about meditation or some crazy California holistic retreat, this about being human. We, as a community are building our own headlines of violence and wars. We are allowing it. We are gas to the fire. We are at fault, each and every one of us. The solution is simple, but requires us all to dig deep inside, be honest and reach out with hope, understanding and love. This is perhaps the most defining time in the history of humanity. This task, though simple, requires cooperation not competition. It requires a few to be bold, some to be told and billions to take action.
 
In a week or so, this event will be “just a headline” in last weeks paper. We will all go on our way claiming to be busy with life. Wanting to do something but thinking we have our “own families” or “own issues” to attend to. However, all that will lead to is the same old agendas being carried out by those that hate. The headlines next week will be about a youth that has shot his school mates, or worse. We will look for treatments like gun control, more laws, “call posts on campuses” or social media hash tags like #YesAllWomen and feel like we have “taken care of it”.
 
As Americans we spend millions of dollars on illnesses we’ve caused ourselves. We have chemo for cancers caused by nuclear waste, we have diet pills to cure obesity caused by GMO’s and junk food. We cannot afford to rely on another pill to fix Elliot Rodger. We don’t have the time. We need to cure the Elliot Rodgers who remain in our midst. We need to cure our culture. We must raise our children in communities. Communities that listen, that hear and love. Yes, it seems like a fantasy and a fairytale. But remember, in 1770 freedom was a fantasy and a fairytale told at bedtime.
 
We have a choice. Elliot gave us the reason, now will we continue to try and treat his illness or will we “HUMAN up” and battle for the cure?
So yes I have outlined an idea for the “cure” but what can you do today to start this process? What can YOU do right now to change the world around you? Here is a list of 7 things you can do today to become part of the cure and not just a treatment plan.
 
So yes I have outlined an idea for the “cure” but what can you do today to start this process? What can YOU do right now to change the world around you? Here is a list of 7 things you can do today to become part of the cure and not just a treatment plan.
 
- Pull your head up from your phone and computer for an extra 20 minuets a day and TALK to a stranger. Really talk. Sometimes that means to just LISTEN! Ask an honest, heart felt question and listen. Find time for other humans around you. Listen to their fears, their happiness, their pain.
- Take a moment out of your day and do something nice for someone you don’t know. Open a door for someone or pick up a piece of paper someone else dropped. Help an elder across the street. If you are seeking to help, those needing help will be all around you. Sometimes the simple gesture of kindness can be the start to an everlasting chain of effects. It’s the little acts of kindness that will change everything.
- Commit at this moment that forevermore you will NEVER post a negative comment on a social media site that is meant to shame another person or belittle them. No matter how “easy” it may seem to give a dig or a witty hurtful joke, don’t do it. If you don’t like their singing or statement, move past them. Don’t think just because you have an opinion you must share it. Writing can be misinterpreted badly. Just commit to not saying anything at all. I think we have all heard enough.
- Reach out to a new person on your social media each day. That means go out of your way to send a private message, make a phone call or just send a special note. Take the power of social media to the level it was created for; being social! Be human social, not just text. Make the phone call, plan a lunch. Go out of your way to be human in a world of tech.
- Take an extra moment with your loved ones and family and… wait for it, listen! Yes, just let them tell you what they are thinking and accept it. Start a family culture of being able to TALK and be heard. Teach those around you that you will listen, not listen to reply, but listen to understand. Don’t let your thoughts and judgments get in the way. Just take time and listen. Start this with your children. Set aside 20 minutes a day just to listen. A radical idea for this would be a family meal. If that cannot work in your life at the moment then just find a way to ask and listen. Build that culture NOW. If you don’t have children then start with your loved ones. It is never too early or too late to start to listen.
- Respect. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. A word very few understand or do. Respect those that are around you for who they are and demand positive respect in return. No matter if you are a man or a woman you should and must give respect and receive it. If those around you are not respecting you, take a moment of honesty with yourself and see if you are truly respecting them. If you feel you are, find out why they are not respecting you, communicate ear to ear and face to face. DO NOT try to text or message your way to understanding. If all else fails simply leave the situation and seek to respect others and be respected in return.
- Seek to understand and do not judge. This is the hardest for us as human’s. We want so much to protect ourselves or empower our own egos we forget to simply understand those around us. Each day you are given a moment to understand another human. Whether you are driving, walking, in a meeting, with a child or eating dinner. Too often we do not seek to understand we simply seek to judge. STOP this. Ask, listen and reply. Hold yourself high in each moment of your day and try to see where others are.
 
None of these 7 items are easy. We will all do better some days than others. You will say the above items are so simple or you may say, “oh yeah well of course if we all did that the world would be perfect”. So my reply to you; yes they are simple and yes the world would be on a path to perfection so lets start perfection today.
 
Wesley D. Chapman is the co-founder of the non-profit for purpose organization called A HUMAN PROJECT, which empowers youth to break the cycle of dysfunction and lost hope. HUMAN is a message of Hope, Understanding, Making a Choice, Action Steps, and Nourishing The Possibilities. The mission is to eliminate words such as “broken, “worthless” and “victim” from a child’s vocabulary. A HUMAN PROJECT believes that every child is created for a purpose and that each child deserves to experience ultimate joy. Wesley D. Chapman and his organization strives to help and mentor the youth of the country through positive belief and rebuilding self-worth.
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